Social Exchange Theory

Social exchange theory is defined as weighing the cost and reward of a relationship and seeking out beneficial ones, in chapter thirteen of our textbook. Research shows that in the initial stages of marriage, couples tend to not concern themselves as much with proper give and take. However as the relationship progresses, give and take becomes more essential. That is an understatement. With my wife and I, the real test began as we started a family. Our three children added not only more stress to our relationship but also a considerable increase in houswork. Since my wife and I both work outside the home, a equitable split in domestic duties has been essential to our continued marital bliss; fortunately the children continue to grow and have started to take over some of the cleanup.

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

Uncertainty reduction is a theory outlined in chapter thirteen of our textbook suggesting we draw inferences initially from physical data observed. It can help to understand the behaviors of others, and is currently being used by the United States armed forces as a way to better understand the culture differences in the Middle East. Obviously appearances, language, religion and culture are strikingly different and understanding these differences can be critical to safe operations in the urban battlefield. Since currently most interaction in Iraq is made through third parties, the ability to differentiate friend from foe may save a soldiers life.

Social loafing

Unfair workloads is a reality in nearly every occupation on earth. Those who are diligent at their duties are inevitably saddled with extra duties because of a loafer. Social loafing is defined in our textbook as the “tendency for individuals to lower their work effort after they join a group.” Most of us have been in a group with a loafer, and probably have played the role as well. I have coworkers that are smokers. They generally spend ten minutes of every hour on break. I sometimes think the life expectancy a smoker loses is small compared to the amount of work they were able to shirk by exercising this habit. I've considered starting but like white teeth. Obviously this makes occupational satisfaction suffer. I have pressed for individual tasks at work to make identifying loafers easier for the boss. We’ll see if that helps.

Groupthink

Groupthink is defined in our textbook as a “dysfunction in which group members see the harmony of the group as being more important than considering new ideas, critically examining their own assumptions, changing their own flawed decisions, or allowing new members to participate.” It can been linked to Enron, Vioxx, Firestone tires, Savings and Loan collapses of the 80’s in business. Pearl Harbor, the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, the Bay of Pigs, and, more recently, the war in Iraq in government. Dr. Irving Janis offers four key preventative strategies for avoiding groupthink. He says the leader should establish an open climate, avoid the isolation of the group, assign the role of critical evaluator, and avoid being too directive. It’s obvious that groupthink is a very dangerous thing, costing both money and lives. Avoiding it, while difficult, is critical to maintaining a healthy work, school, and government environments.

Autocratic, heroic or both

My Grandfather, Earl Everitt Woods was born November 11, 1925, in View, Idaho. He left high school to fight the Japanese at 17 in 1942. Grandpa piloted amphibious troop transport ships similar to the ones shown in the opening scenes of Saving Private Ryan for the US Navy. After the war he raised a family, which included my mother Sally. He was a very controlling parent; he showed the Autocratic leadership discussed in our textbook page 442. No dissention was tolerated, even from my dear grandmother. I never actually witnessed this, his personality changed right after I was born, shortly after hypothyroidism was diagnosed, and treatment with drugs began. While I was growing up, I could always tell when my mother had missed her thyroid medication because she turned autocratic. Happy birthday and Veterans day Grandpa. Your life and service are an inspiration to millions, but especially appreciated by me.

Self Disclosure

In the June 2005 edition of Families in Society an article entitled "Speaking the Unspeakable: Exploring the Impact of Family Dynamics on Child Sexual Abuse Disclosure" by Ramona Alaggia and Stacey Kirshenbaum discusses problems with disclosure of abuse. Self-disclosure in our textbook, is defined as “voluntary sharing information about ourselves.“ My family was torn by sexual abuse perpetrated by a step father 15 years ago. He later went to prison for this abuse. I have always struggled with the guilt of not recognizing this abuse earlier. Since I was not directly abused, those abused feel I have no right to disclose this information to others, and were even upset when I told my wife. I feel that I was a victim, those I love were hurt by someone I trusted. Telling others, in confidence, has always been a relief to me. It can help others to understand where I'm coming from, when I discuss things to look for; hopefully, lessening the likelihood this will happen to their family.

Catharsis

Catharsis is derived from katharein, a Greek word meaning “to cleanse.” In our textbook, page 417, it refers to small group communication that allows us to vent frustrations and talk about hopes and dreams. These groups can be made up of close friends, trusted family members or spouses. These interactions allow us to release tension, and are important to mental health. I have, in the past, abused this relationship with my wife. Instead of simply discussing my frustrations with her, I have allowed these frustrations to cause me to be less than civil in our interactions. We’ve probably all done this in the past. We need to remember that those we care about the most, deserve respect and adulation, not grief and animosity. Jessica, thanks for listening.

Lies: Signs That Show a Relationship's in Trouble

My brother always starts a relationship with a healthy dose of lies. Our textbook, page 402, discusses lying as a warning sign that a relationship is in trouble. My brother simply skips the initial stages of building trust. He feels this dishonesty is necessary considering he and his wife never divorced. They have been estranged for eight years now, she lives in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Human Lie Detectors, by Natasha Raymond, tells us to watch for body language when detecting lies. Any lady unfortunate enough to be ensnared by my brother, watch out, heartbreak is on your horizon.

Interpersonal Attraction

Interpersonal attraction, is defined in our textbook as a desire to interact with someone based on a variety of factors: usually social, physical or task related. Nice Guys Finish First, by Hara Estroff Marano, offers great advice to nice men looking for that special lady. There is a fine line between conceit and confidence, and I’m not sure which one I have, but I have a lot of one of them. Showing yourself to be interesting can be the most important factor to attraction. If you are boring, no one will want to talk to you, least of all an attractive young lady. In my own personal situation, my wife asked me out. Prior to that, I honestly never noticed her. The self-confidence she possessed that day sparked a fire in me that, hopefully, will burn forever.

Predicted Outcome Value Theory

At least one instance when the predicted outcome value theory does not apply is business. Chapter 13 of our text describes this theory as connecting with others because we believe positive outcomes will result. An article Clients or Friends? Or Both?, discusses the problems associated with developing relationships with clients. In my field, lawn mower repair, this doesn’t necessarily equate to higher profits. Instead, those who have become friends want quicker service at a lower cost. I guess this theory does work, for the friend, just not for me.

Dialectical Theory

Why is it, that when my wife wants to spend time with me, I’m busy and vice versa? In our textbook this is called the Dialectical Theory: Push and Pull. Relationships call for autonomy, as an individual, and connection. Reading this section I came to the realization that, as humans, we sometimes want what we cannot have. My wife wants my attention when I can’t give it and vice versa. When we are not otherwise engaged in other time consuming activities, we enjoy each others‘ company immensely. Reading Back Off!, by Geraldine K. Piorkowski gave me some insight to what may be the problem. The article discusses the intimacy issue in relationships. We moved from Arizona to Nebraska in 2001. We left behind our friends and close neighbors. Since we have been in Nebraska, we have yet to develop any lasting close friendships outside the family. This has caused us to rely on each other far more than we did in Arizona. The fact that our children are getting older has also freed up time that had been devoted to their care. With this extra time we both decided to return to college. She is a year from an RN. I am a hundred years from my ultimate goal: law. Maybe we’ll have more time for each other when we’re retired.

Grave-Dressing Phase

In Communication, Making Connections by William Seiler and Melissa Beall, the authors summarize communications scholar Steve Duck’s phases of dissolution in Chapter 14 pages 390-1. Steve believes that relationships breakdown in four phases: intrapsychic, dyadic, social and the grave-dressing phase. The latter phase is the most interesting because both parties give their account of why the relationship failed. Often one party is not convinced that the relationship is over and problems can arise. This makes me think of a coworker who battered his girlfriend. She went so far as to move to Kansas to escape his wrath. When he tracked her down at college he attempted to assault her and her new boyfriend. He was not allowed to enter the dorm by security, thank heavens, and instead went to the window of her dorm room and shot himself in the chest. He survived much to the chagrin of her parents, I’m sure. In Anatomy of a Violent Relationship by Neil Jacobsen and John Gottman, the authors define battering as “physical aggression with a purpose: to control, intimidate, and subjugate another human being.” They claim it is ALWAYS accompanied with verbal abuse. In the case of my ex-coworker, the only casualty was him, lets pray that doesn’t change.

Betrayal

When I was a child I never saw The Upside of Divorce. My parents split when I was five years old. They shouldn’t have ever married (I was an accident). I attended my mother’s high school graduation as a newborn. I am considered a “reconciler” because rather than continue that behavior, I chose to learn from it. My wife, Jessica, and I waited nearly two years after marriage to start a family. I would never disrespect her, my children, or myself by cheating on my family like my father did. I know I’m far from a perfect father or husband, but at least I’m trying; that’s more than my father ever did.

Interpersonal Conflicts

My wife , Jessica, and I fight so infrequently that it can be quite a shock when we do. Early in our marriage, Jessica was worried that our relationship would become caustic like her parents marriage is. They scream at each other anywhere anytime. She wouldn’t fight even when it was warranted. Through the years we have learned to fight constructively; we inject humor when either of us feel things are becoming too harsh. I think we know each other so well now, that we have learned how to avoid conflicts. I can honestly say that we are the best of friends. So far, twelve years and three kids later we are living happily ever after.

Tour boat capsize

What a tragedy to hear about a tour boat sinking in New York. Latest estimates put the death toll at 21 out of 47. This boat was equiped with life jackets but people are not required to wear them. Maybe something like this has to happen before regulations are changed. Isn't this why we have seat belt laws? Laws to protect people from themselves. In the article they say all the passengers were on one side of the boat to apparently look at something of interest when a wave from another ship caused theirs to roll. Am I the only one who thinks this was a senseless waste of life? What was the Captain thinking? I think we are way to trusting with our lives. I recently took a harbor cruise in Seattle while on vacation. This was a very large boat but I requested life jackets for my family. We only get one life. It's like they say the life you save just might be your own.

Michael Brown just shut up!

Former FEMA director Michael Brown stuck an elephant's foot in his mouth today. He claimed in front of a congressional oversite hearing that the biggest mistake he made was not realizing that the Louisiana officials were "disfunctional" earlier. Here is a person clearly unfit for the post, who probably was given this position as a favor, showing America just how smart he really is. He lays the blame at everyone's feet but his own. The President must also take some heat for his hiring. The Federal Emergency Management Agency should not have an ex-Arabian horse dealer running things, especially post September eleventh. The Congress should look deep and hard at all layers of bureacracy to detect frauds in office prior to the loss of thousands of innocent lives.

Eight dollars a gallon gas?

It seems strange that hurricanes have been striking the gulf coast for decades but the price of fuel never seemed to fluctuate. Many experts claim that for gasoline to sustain $3 dollars a gallon that a barrel of oil would have to top $100 dollars. My wife filled up a few days after Katrina at 3.499 at the I80 on ramp in Grand Island, Nebraska. Is this simply price gouging? Fuel prices are likely to keep climbing for years to come. This commodity is in very high demand all over the world. It also remains one of the few commodities in America that has seen little inflation over the past two decades. When I learned to drive twenty years ago gas was rarely less than a dollar a gallon, and until recent events in the Middle East the price had remained fairly constant. One can't say the same thing about the housing market over the same period!!!!!

Is 50 old enough to be Chief Justice?

When I heard of the nomination of Judge John G. Roberts Jr. for the Supreme Court I thought he was too young for a lifetime appointment. When the Constitution was written people did not live into their eighties but on rare occasions. Now President Bush has nominated Roberts for Chief Justice. This is very disturbing to me. How can a person of so few years possibly be qualified for such an important position? Roberts claimed today to "not have an agenda." The problem is we don't know very much about this person. He has only been a judge for a few years. Heck he has only been a lawyer since the Reagan administration. I think a constitutional amendment may be in order making a minimum age limit for the court. Traditional retirement age seems appropriate; a lifetime of experience would seem to be an invaluable resource for a position in government so vital to the American way of government.

distrusting mechanics

As you may know I am a mechanic. I have never really understood the dynamics between mechanic and customer. We seem to have extremes, on one side they look at a mechanic as a know all see all, who at a meer glance can solve all the worlds problems (and their machines :), and on the other they question everything. Maybe they heard a horror story of profound deceit. Maybe they were sucessful changing their oil once and think they should be able to fix anything. The been their done that attitude. Either way it's hard to please these customers....I'll just take solace in the fact their machine runs good as new (and their check cleared the bank!!!)

older students

Being an older student I wonder why, with 3 children and a full time job, I couldn't seem to get my school work done when I had no worries at 18-19 years old. Fortunately after all these years I shouldn't have any trouble finding topics for discussion, lord knows I have plenty of opinions......